Day 13: Choose and write at least two of the following options: (See description for details.)

Choose and write at least two of the following options: -Sarcastic email to a colleague -Memo to people you supervise, changing a policy
-Email to your in-laws asking for financial help
-Note to your loved one…the day after a difficult and lingering conflict -Blog post for your reading public that, for you, is a little out of character

Sarcastic email to a colleague

Subject: Do’s and Don’t’s of visiting my cubicle

Dear John,

Next time you come to my cubicle to tell me your latest exploit of a drunk girl, please do at least one (but preferably all) of the following things:

  1. Take a breath mint. Seriously, those peppermints are not on my desk for nothing.
  2. Wear deodorant. I would let you use mine but I have a feeling that the amount you need is more than the amount my stick provides.
  3. Whisper. I know you’re excited but you really don’t need to yell at the top of your lungs that the girl couldn’t even say her own name.
  4. Check if I’m there. It’s embarrassing to have my cube-mate tell me that you wanted to see me so you could help get me laid.
  5. Get my name right. It’s Rick, not Mick.

While you’re at it, please do not do the following things:

  1. Invite me to a party. I don’t want “summa dat.”
  2. Take my pens. My pens mysteriously disappear after you come to my cubicle. I’m not saying it’s you, but no one else ever visits my desk.
  3. Spin my chair around. Especially when I’m sitting in it.
  4. Drink. C’mon, we’re at work, not the pub.
  5. Hit on my cube-mate. Seriously, she hates that.
  6. Talk to my cube-mate. Really, she hates you.
  7. Talk at all. Why can’t you get the picture that I don’t want to hear your stories?

Actually, come to think of it, please stop visiting me at all. I don’t like you. I don’t know why you think I like you. I don’t know why you ever thought I liked you. I think you’re a repulsive alcoholic womanizer, and I would rather not be associated with you. I asked my cube-mate out once, and she said that she doesn’t want to associate with anyone who thinks you’re cool. The problem is that I don’t think you’re cool, and it would really help if you stopped visiting me so that I don’t have to be associated with you.

If you want an ear to talk off, go talk to Steve. He’s always sleeping in his cubicle anyway, so you may as well wake him up with your loud voice.

Sincerely, RICK (not Mick)

Note to my loved one, the day after a difficult and lingering conflict

Hey honey,

Listen, I’m really sorry about yesterday.

I was out of line. I shouldn’t have said those things. I was angry, but that does not give me the right to do what I did and say what I said.

I’m really lucky to have you. I really am. I know that I should communicate that more often to you, but sometimes we get bogged down in the mundane happenings of everyday life that it slips my mind to tell you.

So I’m telling you now, honey. I love you with all my heart and I hope that going forward, we can let our undying love come first, and not our egos or petty squabbles.

To make up for everything, look in the driveway :)